Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies:

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Neuro-linguistic programming recognizes that everyone is different and aims to improve our modes of communication.

Let’s start by looking at what everyone has in common – the five senses that we use to experience the world around us.

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This sensory information travels through our neurological system to the brain. Our perspective is unique to us because what we experience gets filtered by a number of things, including our personal values, social and cultural backgrounds, memories of past experiences and so on.A person's unique set of filters constitutes what's known as that person's internal representation, or IR.

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An awareness that everyone lives according to their own set of filters is central to NLP.

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So the aim of NLP is to help us become better prepared to communicate with, as well as more flexible in our understanding of, others.

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Nonverbal communication, along with matching and mirroring, is key to establishing good rapport.

nonverbal communication is essential to good rapport.

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nonverbal communication made up 55 percent of an effective, impactful conversation.

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Another way of establishing rapport is called matching and mirroring, which is all about finding the rhythm of the conversation and being in sync with the person you’re talking to.

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Pay close attention to how the other person is breathing and moving, and try to match their energy level, as well as the speed and tone of their voice. When all of these things are in sync, you’re sure to achieve good rapport and conduct an effective conversation.

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The mind can form powerful links to positive and negative experiences, which can be used to your advantage.

one thing the mind is especially good at is creating links, or anchors, to moments and experiences in life that were particularly impactful.Sometimes this is a good thing, but these anchors can also be a nuisance if they weigh us down with unwanted emotions and reactions.You probably have a few smells that trigger happy memories for you, like a perfume or cologne that a loved one wore and that, when you smell it, brings you back to a fun date or a first kiss. In this case, the smell is the anchor firmly set in your mind.But an anchor can also link you to a bad memory.

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NLP offers a three-step technique to create new, positive anchors that can help you get through difficult situations.The first step is to think of the emotional state you want to be in. Happy, energetic, calm – pick your ideal state and keep it in mind.The second step is to think of a moment from your past when you were in this state. Perhaps you felt it when you passed an important test, or when your first child was born. Whatever it may be, hold on to that moment.The third and final step is to think of the sound or movement that you want to associate with this emotional state.

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The logical-levels model can help you discover the right solutions to problems that may arise.

NLP has identified five logical levels to help understand where in your life a challenge stems from: environment; behavior; capabilities and skills; beliefs and values; and identity.

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you’re desperate to move to a new cubicle that isn’t located right next to the men’s room. This would fall in the environment category.

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there’s a three-step logical levels model that can help you get to the bottom of things.The first step is, naturally, to recognize that there is a problem.

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The second step is asking the right questions to determine the cause of this problem, and what logical level it represents.

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Finally, once you’ve pinned down the kind of change that needs to be made, you can take the appropriate action.

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The meta model helps you ask the right questions to get more meaning from your conversations.

There are actually three processes going on when we describe an experience. These are deletion, generalization and distortion.Deletion represents the fact that we’re usually leaving certain things out when we’re explaining ourselves.

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Generalization refers to how we’re often vague or unspecific in details and tend to extrapolate the outcome of one situation and apply them to another.

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Distortion means misinterpreting events around you.

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By being aware that these three processes color the way everyone – including yourself – describes experiences, you’ll be much better equipped to understand and communicate with others. And a good way to clarify the descriptions of others is by asking the right questions.

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Final summary

The key message in this book:Neuro-linguistic programming is all about the way we experience life and the world around us. With the right awareness and the proper tools we can make real progress in understanding what sets us apart and what unites us. Now, perhaps more than ever, we need to work at understanding each other and having productive discussions.

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Tell stories to build rapport.In trying to establish rapport, you might benefit from the tools of good storytelling. People react differently to stories than they do to standard arguments., because a good story taps into memories and emotions.

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About the book:

Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies (2015) is an introduction to the basic principles behind NLP. If you’ve ever struggled to say what’s on your mind, NLP may be of use to you. Discover the human traits that can keep us from understanding each other and the helpful methods that can lead to clear and effective communication.

About the author:

Romilla Ready is the director of Ready Solutions, Ltd. and a passionate speaker and trainer who is committed to helping people forge better relationships. She strives to help people become more resilient and impactful in both their personal and professional lives.

Kate Burton is an expert coach of neuro-linguistic programming. Her popular workshops have helped people around the world lead better and more productive lives.

© Romilla Ready, Kate Burton: Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies copyright 2004, John Wiley & Sons Inc. Used by permission of John Wiley & Sons Inc. and shall not be made available to any unauthorized third parties.